Adolfo Butch Cárdenas Essay Grading Assignment: ST, KC, JC, and OJG

Rubric for grading assigned essays: The following rubric was designed by Melissa Peña and me.

Content/Rhetoric: 60% •Does the introduction clarify the thesis? •Is the introduction interesting? Does it encourage the reader to read the essay? •Does the essay clearly describe the multiple perspectives that pertain to the issue? •Does the essay support the thesis? •Does the essay offer sufficient and effective research to illustrate the different points of view at hand? •Does the essay effectively integrate sources? •Does the writer exhibit appropriate appeals and an awareness of audience, purpose, and context? •Does the revision of the original paragraph clarify the issue for the reader? Mechanics: 40% •Is there a logical flow to the author's ideas? •Is each paragraph unified? •Are there effective transitions between paragraphs? •Is the bibliography written in accordance with the Bedford Handbook? •Is the paper relatively free of non-standard/non-academic uses of English? Are deviations of style/usage appropriate and rhetorically effective?

Essays: ST - Your essay begins with a solid thesis statement by establishing that “since Van Gough was the eldest of six children he knew about responsibility and love.” The sentences that follow do a good job of documenting Van Gough’s failed relationships with women that establishes the painter’s connection to the subject of love. While there is sufficient information about love in this opening paragraph, there is no information on Van Gough being responsible. Add some information and examples of how Van Gough demonstrated responsibility or you may want to reconsider your thesis statement to show Van Gough was irresponsible. This is an excellent start to your essay.

KC - Your essay has established a dominant theme in Van Gough having mental and emotional problems that led to his breakdown and that’s good because the reader knows you will be discussing this. You do a good job of citing various examples that also led to his problems. At the end of this first paragraph you also write that there is too much emphasis on his mental illness, but this is not explained so you have to do that. When you rewrite this paragraph, keep in mind the theme that you are trying to get across to the reader. Once you have developed a stronger opening thesis statement that ties all of the mental and emotional problems Van Gough had, you can begin working on the grammatical errors that this paragraph has. See me about these errors and I’ll be glad to explain and help in any way I can.

Feedback from TM for KC – I’m sure that TM meant well in telling KC that his paper will be the best in the class, but it is not helping KC accomplish this because nothing is mentioned about the essay’s thesis. TM provides no constructive criticism nor does he bring attention the spelling and grammar errors. KC will not be helped by this peer review. I’ll be sure to go over with the class the process and purpose of peer review and will also have some handouts as well.

Feedback from JC for KC – These peer review comments from JC are more of what KC needs because they bring attention to his spelling and grammar errors and he also notes that some things did not make sense.

JC – I like your first sentence because it clearly states the criticism of many religions is the same for Hinduism and your next sentence concerning cows gives us a good example of this criticism. Where it gets a little confusing is your reference to experts who you have to identify and you have to explain the Hindu’s belief in cows and how that affects their food supply. Also, if you are going to write that the author of the article your are referring to only provides information against the Hindu religion, you need to give an example or find a source that favor Hinduism. This is a good start, but clarifying the points I’ve made will make your paper a much better one.

OJG – Wonderful use of references and their incorporation into your paper’s theme. You also do a very good job of explaining the issues facing the use of steroids today. To make this paper even stronger, you might want to consider rewriting your opening paragraph and establish the fact the use of steroids has gone up, that their use among you athletes is spreading and that they can be harmful in the manner that you have described. After establishing this in your opening paragraph, you will be able to explain each aspect in detail in the rest of your essay. By doing this you will be able tie the rest of the paragraph is the essay back to you thesis in your opening paragraph. There are just a few grammar and typographical errors, but I’m sure you’ll catch these in your final draft. Good job!